Long Time Coming

It's been a while.

Today I heard that doctors become motivated by achievement as a means to legitimise their existence. It makes sense. But it's a horrible place - so stressful, so hard. I also heard that before his ministry began, Jesus heard, 'This is my son, who I love - with him I am well pleased." Therein lies security - in God's love. It's also been demonstrated that those who have someone who believes in them do better. Also, while I can only do a little by myself, I can do more in team. Then again, working with God, the impossible becomes possible - his actions are miracles, his intentions are pure and good. God's love really is the answer for our world.

My friend Markus helped me think about focusing - and challenged me to remember that focusing on Jesus and what he wants is the greatest challenge of all - that some never learn to do.

I remembered this later, and gave the four copies of a gospel tract that I had to some people I met in a café. They were all glad, they all liked it and were thankful. One was from Saudia Arabia - do you like it? I said. Yes! I like it! he said, with such urgency. I asked him if he'd like an email address - of course! he said, again, such urgency.

I never got to write about delivering babies.

The first, second, third and fourth came with slime galore. The first mother had lost part of her stress-hormone system as a result of cancer therapy when she was five. Another mother was charming but in her pain became aggressive - and she switched right back later. One was so sweet - and was glad for me to say a Jewish prayer for her daughter, a day old, with eyelashes - 'the Lord bless you and keep you, the Lord make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you, the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace.' she said - I thought you'd got religion! You just seemed so mellow, so at peace with yourself. My mum said, 'didn't it make you anxious having him there at the birth?' and I said, 'no, he really calmed me down.' God's Holy Spirit is wonderful to us. Another mother had a very complicated birth and became white as a sheet with the blood loss, needing her placenta to be pulled out by hand in theatre. She recovered - which was wonderful to see, her lips pink again. 

Encouraging the women is somewhere between being simply reassuring (and not looking shocked or disgusted - I had to change my expression very quickly once when a mother caught me looking thus) and being a sports coach - COME ON! YOU CAN DO IT!!!! PUSH!!!! BREATHE!!!! CHIN ON YOUR CHEST!!!! Everyone is different. 'It's going really well...' we'd say...then later the mother would say, 'ooh....when you said nothing, I was worried something bad had happened.'

This rotation has taught me that delivering babies is great fun. It has also shown me that decisions often need to be made on-the-spot, without emotion, only cold logic. It is here that the warm heart gets to beat on... I've also realised that I'm so limited in myself, but that it's ok. Also, it's ok to be me - even good - and that God loves me the way I am, and he has some crazy ideas that are unstoppably brilliant. Hold on!