Arrived with Mr Alan Bills at my parents' home in Kingston on Tuesday. We visited Kingston for a bit of Christmas shopping before a lovely Christmas day on Thursday.
I feel a bit on autopilot (for medics, I feel mentally parasympathetic). Perhaps the addiction of watching 24 is unhealthy. It is exciting though, and perhaps a good way to pass the time. Is it the rest I need?
What has been best is feeling the presence of God during this time when I can see my Grandfather, Grandmother, brother, sister, mother, father, friend Alan and friend Jack.
I've realised that 'he who holds his tongue is wise' is good to live by when you're angry! Just thinking back there...
I've been re-thinking some ideas...an illustrator told Dad that she spent the first 10 years working out how to be an illustrator...so for me to think you can just 'be' a doctor, let alone be creative and be the unique person God has made each of us - must be in a sense insanely far-fetched. However, I am sure that my purpose in life is to love God and love others. I'm reminded that loving God is a fruit of God loving us...I'm reminded that to 'defend the cause of the week and needy' is to know God...as the prophet Jeremiah said. I'm intrigued that perhaps the gifts ('talents') that God gives us may be bigger and more amazing than the petty 'skills' that I thought they were. Perhaps the man with 5 talents is not the man who can draw, sing, paint, act and dance but rather the man who has Jesus as his treasure, a heart, a soul, a mind and a strength with which to love Jesus and in loving Jesus loving others, especially 'the least.' I'm intrigued as to who 'the least' are...I play mind-games. Is it my family, who I see so often and may thus see as 'unimportant?' Does 'the least' mean those who are 'least' in our own minds, or in the eyes of society? Does it mean the poorest? These are key questions - help!
More thoughts...some are half-formed...reasonable scraps of plans for the future...doing the little I can (as was prophecied over me in the rehab houses of Hong Kong)...an online magazine for medical students aimed at encouraging learning, creativity, silliness and innovation with a release date in April (working on it on Saturdays with a team of friends)...daily carrying a sketchbook in my pocket and filling one page per day, doing 15 minutes of bass guitar practice per day, writing something - be it an idea of a song, a story or a sketch, or a line or two, or a chorus - every day - reading medical books for one hour per day...then using Saturdays to be a bit more creative...and Sundays to do nothing. Using my time in the day for engaging in Clinical Medicine as part of the team, looking after people...writing down names of things to read up on in a textbook (Amanda Salisbury style, thanks Tim Williams)...then spending all the rest of my time not working but resting...socialising in the evenings...relaxing in the evenings...being there for people when I can, being with people as I can....perhaps these are an early draft of New Year's Resolutions. All in all, what matters most is being with Jesus and loving Him with these gifts of a heart, a soul, a mind, and my strength...and loving my neighbour as myself. Now to stop saying it again.
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